2012 Range Rover Evoque To Replace Stormtrooper

You’re walking on thin ice TK421. Do you think I get paid to ask you why you aren’t at your post all day?  I’m-no, the EMPIRE-is gonna replace you with the 2012 Range Rover Evoque if you can’t stay put.  Seriously Dude, get your act together, because the Evoque looks as sharp and streamlined as you do, but it obeys my every command, every time.  Let’s compare, here’s you:

TK421 as a car

And here’s the Evoque:

 

Death Star job candidate

Check out the engine TK421, and you’ll be shaking in your boots.  It’s a turbocharged 4-cylinder and in case you’re like, “Oh, two words…Turbo Lag” I have news for you.  There is none.  Not even a spooly whine.  So hustle up, little Stormtrooper, cuz your competition is gonna run circles around you at lightspeed if you don’t.

Also, you should know that I don’t have to do a thing to the Evoque to make it all Imperial.  The interior is all black and it has tall doors and narrow windows.  It’s a perfect complement to our fleet of Walkers, Tie-Fighters, and Shuttles.

Watch out or I'll crush your snowspeeder

It’s got some spacey, UFO looking touchscreen graphics that fit in with our current scheme.  You know what I mean, kind of like what we thought the future of computers would look like?  I can even change the ambient lighting.  What can you do that will accommodate me like that, TK421, not stand at your post?  Not good enough.

 

The Evoque on Hoth

In fact, the only thing not good enough about the Evoque is passenger legroom and cargo space.  But what am I doing, looking to haul around some droids?  I got Jawas to do that gruntwork for me.  I’m hoping that if this all pans out, Lord Vader will get a matching black Evoque and we’ll go out kicking some rebel ass together.  You’re just in my way, TK421.  I’m watching you like a mynock.

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